A Mother's Love and the Gift of More Time

Honoring Her with Love and Purpose

I should have had this epiphany some time ago.  But, instead, it came to me last night as I was dropping off to sleep.

I turn 60 years old this summer.  My mom, JoAnn Drinkwater Young, died at the age of 61 in 1997.  When she was my age, she was already carrying the colon cancer that would kill her.

Shortly after her death, I filled a glass bowl full of translucent blue glass marbles.  Each marble represented a week in my life should I only live to be 61.  I intended it to remind me to live my life joyfully, lovingly, and with purpose.  

On a regular basis, I have thrown a handful of marbles into my garden representing the lapse of those weeks.  Until this morning, I had about 120 marbles left in that bowl.  Just now, I threw all but one of the remaining marbles into my colorful spring garden.  The last one I put in my "treasure box." 

Every week I live beyond age 61 is a gift, in my mind.  If my mom had had extra weeks to live a healthy and satisfying life, what would she have done?  I remember her saying she'd quit work.  At the time, she served as my Dad's dental office manager, receptionist, and hygienist.  

But, beyond that, I never heard her say what she would do with more days in her life.  She would have spent more time with her grandchildren.  I'm sure of that!  She would have gardened and helped with my brother's greenhouse business. She would have caught up on her sewing projects.  And, held more dinner parties.  I suspect she would have planned a few exotic trips.  I think she wanted to visit Hong Kong.  Who knew?

So, my task is to decide how to live with my gift of many more weeks.  

Affirmations for Nervous Bar Exam Takers

An ASL grad posted this Facebook comment in response to my blog posting yesterday about claiming your right to success, abundance, love, and creative energy found here.

"Prof. Young, last year you recommended bar takers to do affirmations to boost our confidence and success rates.  It felt hokey and certainly could never take the place of diligent studying[.]  [B]ut, it definitely helped me relax before the exam and helped reduce my stress during it.  A very belated thank you and a recommendation to bar takers that you give wonderful advice!"  

To make it easier for you to find some affirmations that may work for you, I am providing them below.

Find the affirmation that deals with a specific challenge you face right now in connection with the bar exam.  Also, find an affirmation you plan to use shortly before the exam date and as you sit to take the exam.  Write the affirmation ten times in your journal every day.  Say it just as often. 

When you say the affirmation or write it down, do so with passion, power, and conviction.  State it as if the statement is happening now.  Don’t say it “will” happen.  Talk to your subconscious mind as if the reality you seek already exists.   

I am open to new experiences today.

I have everything I need today.

Peace and relaxation flow through me with every breath I take.

I look for the positive in each situation.

I do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.

I am positive and directed, and I have purpose in my life.

I am waiting patiently for the opportunity to serve my purpose in life.

I am learning to relax today.

I take full responsibility for my life today.

I am responsible, organized, motivated, and productive today.

I deserve to feel safe.

God is guiding me safely on my journey.

I am passing the bar exam with ease.

I am filled with all the knowledge I need to pass the bar exam.

My mind is relaxed and open to all that I need to learn today.

I am finding learning to be fun and exciting.

I am doing the very best I can.

I’m becoming smarter and more skillful every day.

I am learning to refrain from judging myself if I have trouble with ________________ (insert your own word or phrase).

I am learning to refrain from demeaning myself if something is too hard.  I can ask for help without feeling less than others.

I can!

I know, love, and trust myself today.

I am equal to the task I face.

I am giving up my need for self-pity today.

I am letting go of the burden of shame in my life.

I am willing to forgive myself for things I have done in the past.

God is giving me all the strength I need today.

I am willing to move forward, in spite of my struggles.

I am getting more and more successful in _________________ (insert your own words or phrase). 

I am successful in all that I do today.

God is guiding me forward to succeed.

I am working towards successful results.

I surrender the things that hold me back.

I give up my need to do everything alone.

I’m developing my God-given talents.

My talents and abilities are valued and needed.

I have put aside my regrets from the past and my fear of the future.

This is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am relaxed and patient.

I trust that God is guiding me to my next steps in life.

I am letting go of doubt, fear, anger, and distrust, and quietly accepting the unknown.

I am on the right path for me today.

I am willing to do everything I can to nurture my mind, heart, and body.

I will be a positive and loving person.

Fear can’t stop me from moving forward.

I’m turning my fear into faith.

I’m moving beyond my fear.

I’m worthy of positive changes in my life.

Today, I welcome change as an opportunity.

I am fulfilling all my commitments today.

I am confident in my ability to meet challenges today.

I feel strong and confident today.

I have all that I need to do what is good and right in my life today.

I am learning to trust my own wisdom and give myself permission to follow it.

I feel confident in my ability to study for and pass the bar exam.

I have all the courage I need today to face my shortcomings.

I use my energy to create positive results.

I am not my feelings.

I do not have to act out on all my feelings.

I’m handling my feelings in a healthy way.

I am letting joy into my life.

I am letting go of the blocks that keep me stuck so I can be free to move forward.

I am setting realistic goals for me today.

God gives me all the strength I need to reach my goals.

I have all the intelligence I need today to pass the bar exam.

I am an intelligent person.

My past no longer owns me.

I am no longer a victim of my past.

I’m letting go of self-imposed burdens today.

I adapted these affirmations from Ruth Fishel, Change Almost Anything in 21 Days: Recharge Your Life with the Power of Over 500 Affirmations ( 2003).

Claim Your Genius-Level Success, Abundance, Love, and Creative Energy

Only two weeks to the July bar exam.   Will our 2013 graduates take the big leap?  

My business coach recommended that I read, The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, which suggests ways to conquer your hidden fear that prevents you from keeping and enjoying greater love, financial abundance, increasing success, and more creative energy.  You can find more information at http://www.thebigleap.net/

Hendricks is a psychologist, writer, and practitioner in the field of personal growth, relationships, and the mind-body connection.  He has written 25 books, taught at University of Colorado, has a consulting business, and graduated from Stanford University.

The Upper Limit Problem

He uses the term “Upper Limit Problem” to identify our tendency to follow great leaps forward on all these dimensions with big mess-ups.  We subconsciously use the mess-ups to keep us in our comfort zone when increasing success is taking us to new areas of personal growth and happiness.   “The Upper Limit Problem is our universal human tendency to sabotage ourselves when we have exceeded the artificial upper limit we have placed on ourselves.”

We are not hard-wired to allow ourselves to maintain happiness and success as the default setting.  We must consciously choose thoughts and behaviors that enhance positive emotions and support growth, while monitoring for the inclination to engage in self-defeating behaviors.

Our bar exam takers are facing this subconscious peril to their ongoing success.  So, please read on.  Here are a couple of examples.

“You’re feeling close to your love partner.  Perhaps sitting together quietly, sipping a glass of your favorite wine.  Seemingly out of nowhere, an argument sparks into a flame.  The close feelings disappear; you’re embroiled in a conflict that stretches into hours or maybe even days.”  You have just sabotaged good feelings and deeper intimacy. 

President Bill Clinton created his own Upper Limit Problem.  He served at a time of peace and budget surpluses.  But, in the end he faced impeachment and public disgrace.  His relationship with Monica Lewinsky was a self-sabotaging expression of his inability to enjoy fully his success and his place in history. 

Four Hidden Barriers

Hendricks then describes the “Four Hidden Barriers” that lead to the Upper Limit Problem. The Four Hidden Barriers reflect fear and false belief.  You may subconsciously take one or more of them as true and real and allow it to limit your personal growth.  They are:

• I cannot expand into my full creative genius because something is fundamentally wrong with me.  Given that I am fundamentally flawed (or wrong or bad), how can I possibly be this happy, rich, and creative?  Good things do not happen to bad people.
• I cannot extend to my full success because it would cause me to end up all alone, be disloyal to my roots, and leave behind people from my past.  It’s disloyal to my roots to soar too far into the stratosphere.
• I cannot expand into my highest potential because I’d be an even bigger burden than I am now. 
• I must not expand to my full success, because if I did I would outshine  _______________ and make him or her look or feel bad.  Instead, I need to dim the bright lights of my brilliance.

I suspect that many of our law grads, especially those with working class backgrounds, may struggle with the second Hidden Barrier.  Women law grads may also struggle with the last Hidden Barrier.  I know I do. 

I don’t have the space to provide examples of each.  But you can listen to Hendricks for additional insights at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k04MEXjnCbE(27 minute coaching session) and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqterautik0(25 minute interview).

Identifying and understanding our own hidden barrier frees new energy in us to achieve abundance, love, and creativity.  He recommends that you watch for the expression of these fears as they translate into behaviors that keep you from growth and happiness.  Some tell-tale signs include:

• Worrying about things you have no control to change;
• Criticizing other people or yourself;
• Blaming other people or yourself;
• Deflecting compliments that come your way;
• Squabbling and arguing;
• Getting sick or injured;
• Everything that brings you pain and suffering.

Peril to Our Bar Exam Takers

Our law school graduates have already had great success.  They got admitted to law school.  They survived three years of rigorous training.  Now, they must take an exam to be able to develop more competency, excellence, and then expertise (or genius).   The exam is the next leap to more success, happiness, and creativity.  So, how do bar exam takers keep themselves from moving to this next step in personal growth?

• They don’t study enough. 
• They don’t study appropriately. 
• They plan weddings or buy new houses or engage in other activities that distract them from the required task. 
• They get drunk the night before the exam. 
• They fail to do a pre-exam run-through so they know how to get to the exam site and how long it will take to get there. 
• They walk in to the exam with a prohibited item.

But, each one of our grads deserves to succeed.  I want all our students and alumni to experience very high levels of abundance and happiness.  This book might help you to express fully your own genius and unique abilities.