Pushing for Wholeness

May the Force

Be with You

I'm in a very reflective stage right now.  Perhaps the transition to spring reminds me of the path of growth I have walked the last three years. 

As part of that process, I wrote phrases that inspired me on index cards.  First, I tacked the cards to my bedroom wall so I could see them throughout the day.  Later, I tucked them into an envelope.  This week-end, I read through them and decided to share them with you over the next several posts.

Prayers to the Universe

This post takes the broadest view as seen through my collection of phrases.  It talks in terms of the universe, the energetic field, or the force field, but many people would choose instead to talk about God.  I've included the source of the phrase, if I captured it on the card.

• The force field constantly pushes for wholeness.
• The universe is limitless, abundant, and strangely accommodating.
• Absolutely anything is possible!
• Trust the field of infinite possibilities.
• You have to open yourself to an identity with that part of the universe that you already possess, but which you may not have been conscious of.  Proof of Heaven
• The force field is the ceaseless desire of the spirit in me to become all I am capable of being.
• Find those people in whom spirit has found celebration through them.
• By changing what I am looking for, I can radically change what shows up in my world.
• Consciousness itself creates the material world.
• To ask for something in prayer is simply to lay hold of what's yours.  You have the responsibility to command your life.
• We draw from the field what we are looking for.  Expect the best!

Yes, I know.  Very woo-woo. 

But another card provided clear acknowledgement of these concepts.  It reads:  "I attracted this job, this boss, this house, this car, this garden, these friends, this debt, these skills, these animals, these clothes, this fitness level, this food, this music, this help, and this family."

So, true.  So, what do I want to attract next?  More about that in the later posts.  

Lawyers as Bloggers

In for a Penny, In for a Pound

In March 2013, I posted my first post on this blog.  After several months of business coaching with Christine Kane and exposure to the concept of "content marketing," I wanted to explore the platform and its uses. I wanted to run an experiment. 

How long would it take the Google bots to find me?  I'd been told it would take a year of daily blogging.  So, I committed to that publication schedule.  In 2013, I made 182 posts over a ten month period.  Not exactly every day, but just about 20 posts a month or 4.5 posts a week. 

In the process, I regained the voice I had had as a columnist for the magazine published for members of the Bar Association of Metropolitan St. Louis (BAMSL).  The coverage is eclectic, but then I promised broader coverage in my description of the blog:  "Discussing new ways to meet the needs of law firm clients, mediation parties, negotiators, and law students."

Two years later, I have published almost 300 posts. 

Last month, my webhost sent me a message letting me know that my URL domain name and hosting fees will come due soon and be automatically renewed.  That message makes me pause to consider whether investing in the blog makes sense.  The answer continues to be "yes." 

In a few weeks, I'll pass 75,000 pages views, most of which are bots.  So, the experiment worked.  Google the words "The Red Velvet Lawyer," and the top six search results will refer to the blog.  Google the words "Paula Marie Young," and the first three search pages feature mostly me.  Those searches also reflect my commitment to social media. 

A blog, however, reminds me of the scene in the film, Little Shop of Horrors, when the alien plant demands: "Feed me!"  

Several times a week, I scroll down my own blog roll looking for new posts from other bloggers.  Today, I cleaned out any bloggers who were not posting on at least a 3-month basis.  Yes, it is a commitment, but it is an important way to contribute, educate, share, and grow.  Bloggers who post valuable content on a regular basis deserve the attention they garner.  They distinguish themselves from other folks in the market through their tenacity.  And, for lawyer-bloggers, their blogs can help ideal clients find them and pre-qualify for offered services.

Finally, the blog implements two coaching lessons I've applied for a very long time:  "Don't be afraid to be seen" and "do it imperfectly."  Both lessons lead to greater success.

More Approaches to Setting Goals

Making Higher Aspirations

a Part of Your Life

In December, I shared a goal setting strategy focused on picking one (or three) words for the year. Yesterday, I ran across this collection of other goal setting strategies.

The "Sunday Summit"

Tracking Gains,

Setting Weekly Goals,

and

Holding Yourself Accountable

Yesterday, I described my productive use of three snow days and the "satisfaction of completion."  Today, I want to describe a tool my business coach, Christine Kane, advised me to use in her UpLevel Your Life on-line coaching program.

She calls the tool the "Sunday Summit" because she encourages you to use it once a week to plan your intention for the week.  I have used it every week for three years.

The 2-page tool consists of eight questions.  The questions on page one help you focus on gains made the last week and create accountability for missed goals. 

The questions are:

1.  What have I accomplished this week?
2.  Is there anything I wanted to accomplish but did not?
3.  What a-ha's or awakenings have I had this week?
4.  What challenges am I experiencing?
5.  If I were coaching myself, what would I tell myself about those challenges?

The second page shifts focus to the coming week.  The questions are:

6.  What are my top three priorities for this coming week?
7.  If I could get nothing else done this week but ONE THING, what one thing would I choose to do?  What one thing would make me happy and proud?
8.  How do I want to feel this week?  Who do I want to BE? 

I really like the first question.  As a busy professional woman, I always have a long to-do list.  This question gives me a moment to savor my accomplishments and celebrate the progress I have made.  Threes on the enneagram have an especially hard time doing this, so this tool can help them.

For Question 7, I can almost never pick just one thing as the week's priority.  I typically have three must-do projects for each week.  If I fail to complete one of them, I roll it to Questions 2 and 6 of the Sunday Summit for the next week. 

Three questions attempt to capture mindset, emotions, and softer aspects of weekly success.   When I look back over the collection of Sunday Summits that I have created, the answers to Questions 4, 5, and 8 often prove most revealing about the growth I am experiencing.

Productively Using my Snow Days

The Satisfaction of Completion

This last week, the Dean declared three snow days.  I feel like a kid when that happens.  Yes, I did play in the snow a bit.  But, mostly, I enjoyed what my business coach, Christine Kane, calls the "satisfaction of completion."

On Sunday and Monday, I completed my tax returns for 2013 and 2014, and I plan to use the refunds to pay off most of my debt. 
Ka-ching!

On Thursday, I began writing the minutes for the Admissions Committee on which I serve. Last night, I completed the first drafts.  

Those two big projects had been hanging over my head for a long time.  I'm glad they are behind me because their completion frees up so much energy that I can now focus on new projects, including a couple of law review articles I want to finish this week. 

P.S. The photo features a nearby view.  Thanks to alumni, Darryle Ronning, for sharing it on Facebook. 

Law Grad Salaries Exceed Median Household Income

Still a Good Option If You Can Get  a Bargain on Legal Education

For the full story, see here.

Getting to Yes with Yourself and Other Worthy Opponents

How is Your Own Stuff Affecting the Negotiation?

Bill Ury has published a new book: Getting to Yes with Yourself and Other Worthy Opponents.  I've not read it yet.  But, as the big storm of 2015 began dropping snowflakes on Grundy, I watched an hour-long video featuring Ury at a Google-sponsored event during which he describes the book, tells several stories as examples, and engages the audience in a discussion and a role-play.

First,  I do love the "getting" series of books.  I've read them all.  I have assigned Getting to Yes to all my students over the last thirteen years of my teaching career.  In another week, my current students will start reading it.  I use Getting Disputes Resolved in my Arbitration seminar, partly because it refers to a labor dispute in a coal mine located not far from the Appalachian School of Law.  I also use it because it was one of the first books written on dispute resolution system design.   Power of a Positive No: Save the Deal Save the Relationship and Still Say No is a very helpful guide for "other-oriented" folks who have a hard time saying "no" (especially 2s on the enneagram). So, I'll order Ury's new book and fly through, I'm sure.

Second, I was pleased to see him raise the topic of managing ourselves in the negotiation process.  Too often we blame the other side for the impasse or challenges of negotiation.  He suggests, by referring back to the advice of an earlier book, to "go to the balcony," that we have a responsibility to ourselves, our clients, and the other party to take an appropriate time-out to assess what is going on completely within ourselves -- emotions, psychological triggers, deep identity quakes, insecurities, the need to be right, and so on.

I discuss all these factors in my courses, especially the upper level mediation course.  That course coverage falls under the category of "empowerment," as far as I am concerned.  I teach students to avoid blaming others and instead help them begin a life of accepting their contribution to any difficult situation, taking responsibility for missteps, offering apologies, and forgiving freely. 

But, Ury said something else in the video that resonates because of the three years I have spent in the coaching programs offered by Christine Kane.  Ury told the story of working with two very successful European businessmen after their partnership dissolved into blame, fights over control, and expensive litigation. 

He engaged in a deeper-level intervention with one of the businessmen, asking him to look deeply into his heart (my words, not Ury's) to discover what he truly wanted.  Ury asked this man to get very clear about his own needs.  Once Ury heard that the businessman most wanted "freedom" to pursue his own interests, businesses, and family life, Ury asked him how he could get that need met without any permission or participation by the estranged partner.  With that clarity, the businessmen negotiated an agreement in a very short time.  Lovely.  We often fail to see the control we have over our own success and happiness. 

Finally, how does Ury maintain that broad smile as he talks?  As those of you who have watched my webinars know, this is a trick I have not yet mastered.  My heart is in the right place, but I just can't do it all at once: concentrate, talk, and smile!

I hope you find a rewarding way to spend this snow day.